EKO: I did not ask for the LOST FINALE that I was given. But it was given, nonetheless. And with it… I did my best.

Testing, testing….is this thing on?
Anyone still there? Have all the LOST haters left the room? Just us hardcore fans?
Good, let’s go.

Its been about two weeks, and I have finally been able to cobble together some sort of recap.

First of all I should give thanks to this recapper, she’s one of the BEST.

And certainly better than me.

So, I will start with a couple quotes and then on to lots and lots of LOST goodness, and a million pictures. I’ll warn you, any vaguely negative comments you see within this recap post are posted out of love and fandom. SPOILER ALERT! Hahaha

LOCKE: It looks like…you were wrong… Goodbye, Jack.
JACK: Damn it!
LOCKE: Uhh!
JACK [smiling]: Looks like you were wrong, too.

—

BEN: What about me?!
JACOB: What about you?

—
“There must be some way out of here,” said the joker to the thief,
“There’s too much confusion, I can’t get no relief.
Businessmen, they drink my wine, plowmen dig my earth,
None of them along the line know what any of it is worth.”

“No reason to get excited,” the thief, he kindly spoke,
“There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke.
But you and I, we’ve been through that, and this is not our fate,
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.”

All along the watchtower, princes kept the view
While all the women came and went, barefoot servants, too.
-All Along the Watchtower

—
So, here we are, I can’t promise this will be the greatest recap you will read, but I CAN promise there will be a LOT of pictures. Let’s go….

I was determined going into this that whatever happened, I was ready to make a party out of it at least. So I rounded up some candles, some champagne, chocolate, pizza, beer and my party kit and I was ready.

Most of the cool stuff happened on the Island, so I will mostly stick to that, I’ll just try to cover the stuff I don’t think enough people have talked about.

Well, the writers didn’t waste anytime answering questions.
Questions like, “Why don’t we ever see Jack use the facilities to…. well, you know?”

And: “Does Nestor Carbonell wear eyeliner?”

Questions like: “Except for being a cop and a con man does James Ford have any other special skills? Hiding perhaps?”

NOPE.

Then some stuff happened I don’t have pictures for, but a lot of the other recaps cover this stuff. Check em out sometime.
OOH, actually, They were on a big grassy hill and Kate started shooting at Locke and Locke told her she might want to save her bullets, BAD ADVICE, DUDE. You’ll find out why later, sssssssssssh its a surprise.

Sawyer thinks Jack is like him now though…..

I still can’t figure out why the writers suddenly hate sawyer here at the end, I mean he was totally useless in this episode. I couldn’t believe it.

Then everybody did some more walking and we came to Indiana Jones’ Waterfall of Eternal light. Don’t worry, Jack and Des know exactly what they are doing.
So, Des heads down there, he’s pretty confident about the light source ever since Ab Aeterno,

when Jacob told Richard all about the Wine being evil and the Island being the METAPHORICAL CORK, thats keeping the evil under control….. but, much to everyones surprise….

A man of action, Des does his business.

……….aaaaaaaaannnnnnnnd WE ARE SCREWED! Great work guys. Glad you are running things..

So Locke starts running away to the boat, but jack has other plans, and goes all JEDI on Locke for their big showdown.
By the way, didn’t we learn from the last Star Wars movie that if you don’t have the higher ground you cant win?

And heres a great video of the above picture:

LIGHTSABER JACK AND LOCKE DUEL

But Locke is ready to try anyway….fool.
And this scene, I’m going to pretend they used this dialogue from Revenge of the Sith

ANAKIN and OBI-WAN confront each other on the lava river.

ANAKIN: I should have known the Jedi were plotting to take over …

OBI-WAN: From the Sith!!! Anakin, Chancellor Palpatine is evil.

ANAKIN: From the Jedi point of view! From my point of view, the Jedi are evil.

OBI-WAN: Well, then you are lost!

(You’ll have to replace Anakin and Obi-wan with Jack and Locke in your head, I cant do this for you.)

….aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddddddddddd

Oh no he doesn’t have a lightsaber in this picture…sorry, this picture is from the sweet VIDEOGUM website recap. If you haven’t click on the image and go read it after you finish mine.
—
So, I’ll skip ahead just because. JACK and BEN and HURLEY head back to the cave to plug the light back in, I guess it takes a while for all the good healing light to leak out, so, its cool, they still have time.

But just in case Jack dies he has to pass his power on to Hurley, cause he jinxed himself in the last episode and said, “Whew, glad it wasn’t me…”
Oh, Hurley, silly boy. And while we’re at it can we talk about the declining quality of transformative magical liquids? They just don’t make this stuff like they used to.

And even though I would prefer not to, I GUESS I have to talk about SMUGTOWN where everyone thinks they are awesome even though its not real and they are actually dead. And I’ll explain about SMUGTOWN in a minute but first…, well,
Here, this should sum it up:

As an aside, in the SMUGTOWN parts of the Lost finale, if you didn’t get a little choked up and lose a few tears, you might have problems with expressing emotion, but I wish they spent a little less time trying to make us all extra-emotional in our last few hours with LOST.

So then also, over here in SMUGTOWN, most people were cooler than in their other life, Except Dan Faraday, Now I’m no Fashionista, but in my book it takes more than a hat and a piano and a really, really boring concert to make you cool. Faraday really got shafted in the perfect life department. But he ‘s probably going to hook up with Charlotte, so, good for him, Just try to put it out of your mind that you knew her when she was EIGHT, you PEDO!

Oh heres a picture in case you have forgotten, Daniel. Too young, man…too young!

So, yeah, basically here in SMUGTOWN everyone is super-smug, the 7th time I watched the Finale this was starting to get really annoying.
Look:

Desmond was SMUG

Hurley was SMUG

Claire just had a (fake? made up in their heads?) baby and she’s really SMUG

Boone was SQUINTY AND SMUG
( oh and hi Boone and Shannon glad you came back and didn’t demand 5 times as much money as they offered to come back and act on the show for 10 minutes like a certain Mr. Eko.:)

Little David was always pretty SMUG

….and he didn’t even exist

Jin and Sun were DOUBLE-TROUBLE-SMUG

Kate was SMUG because she was finally awesome again and killed Locke and saved the world after the writers had made her lame for several seasons

Locke was SMUG because he figured Kate killed him in the other life so now he has a pretty good chance to score with her, out of sympathy

SMAUG woulda been SMUG too, if he was there, I just know it
(He’s from the book The Hobbit, if you are not a nerd, but you are reading this, so I know you kind of ARE)

So, that’s it!

All that Dharma Initiative, Disappearing Islands, Buttons, Numbers, Time Travel, Everlasting love, Never dying Patchy’s, Lists, Kidnappings, Brainwashing, Fake Beards, Rafts, Pylons, Atom Bombs, Torture, Cage-sex, Shark tanks, Dharma-sharks, Polar Bears, Literature, Clues,  coincidences, Flashbacks, Flashforwards, flash somewhere, Kidney thefts, Failsafes, Blast door maps, We got caught in a net, Killer spiders, Supply drops, statues, egyptology, tunisia, hearing dead people, secret temples, mysterious baseballs, ankhs, tattoos, mysterious pregnancies, bradding and exiles, Latin, secret rooms, secreter rooms, time-travelling bunnies, dynamite ships, vincent….

Well all of that and we they leave us with is a bright light at the end…………..

Hallelujah!

But, I still love you LOST. It wasn’t what I expected, but if any of you have been watching for this long and you haven’t learned to expect the unexpected, then I don’t think you have been watching the same show that I have been watching. I will leave you with this

IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG, LOST WILL BE MY CONSTANT

I really just CANNOT WAIT FOR SEASON 7! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

See you in another lost.

NAMASTE.